Are you afraid of being replaced by a robot? I’m not either. But I’m curious about the new chatbot, ChatGPT, and the follow-on zeitgeist blitz of human replacement theories. Will we wake up one day and have nothing to do because the robots are doing it all? When I worked in the music business in the 70s-80s, keyboard synthesizers were becoming affordable and portable, musicians were incorporating synthetic sounds into their music, and some people were freaking out. Would musicians be put out of work? Would whole orchestras be replaced by a guy with a keyboard? Would horns and woodwinds and strings disappear? Would people ever listen to acoustic music again? Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Now they say artificial intelligence chatbots like ChatGPT present a similar threat to human writers. Can we be replaced by machines who generate written content? Will jobs be lost? Will students cheat? Are authors doomed? I had to find out for myself. So, I opened an account for the ChatGPT content generation machine (it’s free) and asked it four times to write a 500-word blog post about cleaning the garage. Each of the four queries was slightly different and so was the bot-generated post. Here are four excerpts to give you an idea of how a robot writes.
QUERY 1: Write a 500-word blog post by an old lady who loves cleaning her garage.
ChatGPT excerpt — As an elderly woman, I have always enjoyed keeping things tidy and organized. For me, there is nothing more satisfying than a clean and organized space. This love of order and cleanliness extends to my garage, which has become a source of pride and joy for me over the years.
QUERY 2: Write a humorous 500-word blog post by an obsessive-compulsive old lady who can’t stop herself from cleaning the garage.
ChatGPT excerpt — So, there you have it – my love affair with cleaning the garage. It may seem strange to some, but to me, it’s simply a passion for organization and order. And who knows? Maybe one day, they’ll start calling me the “Garage Whisperer”, or the “Queen of Clean”.
QUERY 3: Write a 500-word blog post about cleaning the garage in the style of Erma Bombeck.
ChatGPT excerpt — Once everything is organized, it’s time to tackle the big items, like your car or lawnmower. Make sure to give them a good scrubbing and cleaning. You’ll be amazed at how much better they’ll look and run when they’re clean and free of cobwebs and dirt.
QUERY 4: Write a 500-word blog post about cleaning the garage in the style of Marie Kondo.
ChatGPT excerpt — Begin by gathering all the items in your garage and asking yourself, “Does this spark joy?” If the answer is no, thank the item for its service and let it go.
For comparison, this excerpt from my 2021 blog post “Celebrating Our Durability” about cleaning the garage — I got a bee in my bonnet, tore the place apart and put it back together again in a Martha Stewart meets Marie Kondo “Iron Organizer” fury of clean. Rubber gloves and all. Put everything into piles on the floor, wiped down the storage shelves and the spider pantry, rendered a mountainous knot of trash, and put it all away again in the most logical arrangement, what one might call a system. It was orgasmic.
No, I don’t think I have to worry about being replaced by a chatbot, but this was an amusing exercise. I’ve included the full text of all four ChatGPT posts below. Comparing them illuminates the utility and limits of the technology.
From the chatbot perspective, garage is just a pattern of the alphabet. Artificial intelligence is software sifting through the alphabet seeking patterns that repeat words in the query, like garage, cleaning, blog post. If the responses seem generic, they are. ChatGPT doesn’t know what a garage is. A chatbot is just a very expensive parrot repeating what it’s already heard. What makes it seem like magic is the speed and magnitude of its calculations. ChatGPT produced each 500-word blog post in a couple minutes.
Humans are funny. AI, not so much. The bravado, righteousness, and sincerity of the ChatGPT posts are absurd, and that’s amusing to us because we know the context. Humans have garage experience, so we find humor between the lines. Humor depends on context, and that’s something ChatGPT doesn’t have. Without life experience, commonsense, self-awareness, sensory perception, and fear, a chatbot doesn’t have the ingredients for humor. Sometimes what’s funny is what’s not said. Irony is human. But how does a chatbot find the pattern of what’s not said? It doesn’t. That’s why it’s not funny.
Artificial intelligence is a mirror of the obvious. It can be smart and helpful, like Siri and Alexa, or it can be as dumb, dishonest, and depraved as any of us. So, let’s not pretend it’s a miracle. History repeats itself and AI repeats it faster. That’s all. Computing is pattern recognition, and we are the pattern. By participating in the digital world, we are creating context for the future. If we want AI to be safe, honest, and socially just, we must be the pattern we seek. Or, in other words, be the parrot you seek. You are the pattern. You are the parrot. You will be repeated.
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ChatGPT QUERY 1: Write a 500-word blog post by an old lady who loves cleaning her garage.
As an elderly woman, I have always enjoyed keeping things tidy and organized. For me, there is nothing more satisfying than a clean and organized space. This love of order and cleanliness extends to my garage, which has become a source of pride and joy for me over the years. In this post, I want to share with you why I love cleaning my garage and some tips and tricks that have helped me keep it in tip-top shape.
Cleaning and organizing my garage is not just about making it look nice. It is about creating a functional and safe space for all the tools, equipment, and supplies that I need to keep my home and yard in good condition. When everything is in its place and well-maintained, it is easier for me to find what I need when I need it. This not only saves me time, but it also reduces the risk of injury by eliminating tripping hazards and cluttered pathways.
I have always been a firm believer in the idea that a clean and organized space leads to a calm and clear mind. When I walk into my garage and see everything neatly arranged and free of clutter, I feel a sense of peace and satisfaction. This peaceful feeling extends to other areas of my life, making me more productive and happier overall.
One of the keys to keeping my garage clean and organized is having the right tools and supplies. I make sure to invest in high-quality storage solutions such as shelving units, cabinets, and plastic bins. I label everything so that I know exactly where to find what I need, and I try to keep similar items together. For example, I keep all my garden tools in one area, all my automotive supplies in another, and so on.
Another important factor in keeping my garage organized is to stay on top of maintenance. I make sure to regularly clean and oil my tools, inspect and repair any equipment that needs attention, and properly store items that are not in use. By doing so, I not only extend the life of my equipment but also ensure that it is always in good working condition when I need it.
In addition to keeping my garage organized and functional, I also like to make it a pleasant place to be. I have added a few personal touches, such as a comfortable chair, a small table for coffee or a snack, and a few potted plants. These simple touches make the space feel more inviting and create a sense of comfort when I am working in there.
Finally, I would like to share one of my favorite tips for keeping a clean and organized garage: everything has a place, and everything should be in its place. This simple rule is one that I try to live by in all areas of my life, but it is especially important in my garage. When everything has a designated spot, it makes it easier to keep things in order, and it reduces the risk of clutter and disorganization.
In conclusion, cleaning and organizing my garage is not just a chore for me, it is a source of joy and satisfaction. By having the right tools and supplies, staying on top of maintenance, making the space inviting, and following the rule of everything having a place, I am able to keep my garage clean, functional, and a place that brings me happiness. I hope that these tips and tricks will help you find the same joy and satisfaction in keeping your garage clean and organized.
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ChatGPT QUERY 2: Write a humorous 500-word blog post by an obsessive-compulsive old lady who can’t stop herself from cleaning the garage.
As an elderly woman with a tendency towards obsessive-compulsive behavior, I simply cannot resist the urge to keep my garage spotless. Some might call it a cleaning addiction, but I prefer to think of it as a passion for order and organization. In this post, I want to share with you my love affair with cleaning my garage, and why I simply can’t stop myself from doing so.
First of all, let me tell you that I am not your average grandma. My idea of a good time is not knitting or playing bingo – it’s cleaning my garage. I live for the thrill of sorting through a pile of tools and supplies, organizing them in a perfectly neat and orderly fashion, and then admiring my handiwork for hours on end. I know, I know – it sounds a little crazy, but I just can’t help myself.
Every day, without fail, I march into my garage with a look of determination in my eyes and a cleaning cloth in my hand. My goal is simple: to make the garage spotless. And I won’t stop until every tool is in its proper place, every surface is shining, and the air is filled with the pleasant scent of lemon-scented cleaner.
Some people might say that my behavior is excessive, but I don’t see it that way. To me, cleaning the garage is a form of therapy. It gives me a sense of control and order in a world that can often feel chaotic and unpredictable. Plus, there’s nothing like the feeling of satisfaction I get when I look around the garage and see everything in its proper place.
Now, I know what you’re thinking – how can a simple garage ever be that messy? Well, let me tell you, it’s not just about the mess. It’s about the order and the details. For example, I have an entire system for organizing my gardening tools, with each type of tool in its own designated spot. And heaven help the poor soul who moves one of my tools out of place – they’ll find themselves on the receiving end of a stern lecture about the importance of order and organization.
But it’s not just the garage itself that I obsess over – it’s also the tools and supplies that I keep in there. I make sure that everything is in good working order, regularly cleaning and oiling my tools, and replacing anything that is worn or damaged. And let me tell you, nothing brings me more joy than a perfectly sharpened pair of pruning shears or a freshly oiled lawnmower.
Of course, my friends and family think I’m a little crazy for my love of cleaning the garage. They roll their eyes and chuckle when I start talking about my latest organizational scheme or the best way to clean a grease stain. But I don’t let their teasing get to me – I know that they secretly admire my commitment to order and cleanliness.
So, there you have it – my love affair with cleaning the garage. It may seem strange to some, but to me, it’s simply a passion for organization and order. And who knows? Maybe one day, they’ll start calling me the “Garage Whisperer”, or the “Queen of Clean”. Until then, I’ll just keep on cleaning and organizing, and enjoying every minute of it.
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ChatGPT QUERY 3: Write a 500-word blog post about cleaning the garage in the style of Erma Bombeck.
Cleaning the garage is one of those tasks that we all dread, but in the end, it’s worth it! And let me tell you, there’s no one who knows the joy of a clean garage more than yours truly, Erma Bombeck.
I remember the days when I used to clean the garage by simply sweeping the dirt and cobwebs into a pile and calling it a day. But oh, how times have changed. Now, I tackle the task with a vengeance, and I’ll tell you, it’s a sight to behold!
First things first, you’ve got to start with a plan. Make a list of all the items you need to organize and find homes for. Then, clear out the clutter by getting rid of anything that’s broken, outdated, or just plain useless. You’ll be amazed at how much lighter and cleaner your garage will feel once you’ve gotten rid of all that stuff!
Next, it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. For me, that means getting out the good ol’ broom and sweeping every nook and cranny until the garage is spotless. But that’s just me, you do you. Maybe you prefer a leaf blower, or maybe you’re more of a mop-and-bucket kind of person. Whatever works best for you!
Now, let’s talk about organization. The key to a clean and organized garage is to have a place for everything, and everything in its place. I like to use shelves, bins, and hooks to keep everything neat and tidy. And don’t forget about labeling! I can’t stress enough how important it is to label your shelves, bins, and hooks. Not only does it make it easier to find what you’re looking for, but it also helps keep the garage looking neat and tidy.
Once everything is organized, it’s time to tackle the big items, like your car or lawnmower. Make sure to give them a good scrubbing and cleaning. You’ll be amazed at how much better they’ll look and run when they’re clean and free of cobwebs and dirt.
And last, but certainly not least, it’s time to enjoy your clean and organized garage. Take a step back and admire your hard work. I promise, you’ll feel a sense of satisfaction that’s hard to beat.
In conclusion, cleaning the garage may not be the most glamorous task, but it’s one that’s well worth it. With a little bit of elbow grease, a solid plan, and a love of organization, you’ll have a clean and tidy garage in no time!
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ChatGPT QUERY 4: Write a 500-word blog post about cleaning the garage in the style of Marie Kondo.
Are you tired of a cluttered and disorganized garage that causes frustration and stress every time you try to find something? It’s time to bring joy to your garage space with the KonMari Method!
As a certified KonMari consultant, I believe that decluttering and organizing should be a joyful experience, and the garage is no exception. Here are my tips for transforming your garage into a space that sparks joy:
Step 1: Purge The first step to decluttering your garage is to identify what you truly need and what can be let go. Begin by gathering all the items in your garage and asking yourself, “Does this spark joy?” If the answer is no, thank the item for its service and let it go. Consider donating, selling, or recycling items that are still in good condition.
Step 2: Categorize Once you have purged, it’s time to categorize your remaining items. This step helps you see the items you have in each category and helps you determine how much space you need for each category. Consider categories such as sports equipment, tools, garden supplies, etc.
Step 3: Vertical Storage In order to maximize your space, utilize vertical storage by installing shelves, hooks, and other storage solutions that allow you to store items vertically. This not only helps you see what you have at a glance but also makes it easier to access the items you need.
Step 4: Fold and Store Folding items and storing them vertically helps conserve space and makes it easier to see what you have. This method works well for items such as sports equipment, garden tools, and other items that are usually bulky.
Step 5: Label Labeling your shelves, bins, and storage solutions makes it easier to find what you need, and it also helps to maintain a sense of order in your garage. This step can also help you keep track of items you need to purchase in order to complete your collection of items in a certain category.
Step 6: Enjoy Once you have finished decluttering and organizing your garage, enjoy the peace of mind and joy that comes with having a tidy space. Your garage will now be a space that you can enjoy and feel proud of.
In conclusion, with a little bit of effort, you can bring joy to your garage by following the KonMari Method. Remember, the goal is to create a space that sparks joy and makes your life easier, not just to have a clean garage. Happy decluttering and organizing!
4 thoughts on “A Really Expensive Parrot (My ChatGPT Experiment)”
This is hilarious! What a fabulous experiment.
About 20 years ago I was working in the marketing department of a financial holding company. My co-workers were all 20-somethings. I get a headache just thinking about it. Anyway, they all tried vigorously to convince me that digital marketing was the future and print was dead. I scoffed. And here we are, in the 2020-somethings and there are still newspapers (albeit smaller), still menus with advertising, still sale flyers stuffed inside my mailbox, and I’m current working on a 400 page book for a college reunion. Print will never die. Neither will humor.
Thanks for your comment, Karen. I appreciate the history, but I do think we have to stop cutting down trees to make paper.
That coat, Billie! Total cow. I fucking love it. re AI n music. I remember when Phil Green mic’ed up 25 channels to record Mike Mangini’s kit. ‘Why doesn’t he use a drum machine!?’ was his comment. And when teaching drums, it was Mike’s coaching that described music as all ‘0’s and 1’s’ Good lord. Me, all about soul. The ineffable un pin-downable human/animal aspect that is an arrow to the heart. But fuck, i LOVE my iMac!
I know what you mean. I love my iPhone.