You Are Amazing

You changed my life this year. Knowing you are out there reading what I write gave me the motivation and inspiration to keep up the work and invest in myself. At times my brain was exploding with outside information about current events, global truths, and spilled tea, but I fought through the distractions because I have a goal, and the goal is you. I want to interest you. If you don’t read what I write, my words don’t exist. Of course, there is a voice in my head that just keeps talking and talking, regardless of what people read, but I don’t get dopamine hits from my own voice. I get my dopamine from you, dear reader. So, thank you.

This year began with publishing my novel “Clitapalooza: Her flower blooms power” in February 2024. Kirkus Reviews called it “a cheeky exploration of sex and feminism.” I learned a lot. My motivation in telling the story was a concern about the nexus of our personal lives, our sex lives, and technology that uses our data to manipulate us into buying things. I went deep into anatomy and sex tech, and some of you thought I was a brilliant, while others of you thought I was trashy. But I love you both. I don’t want to be surrounded by clones. I appreciate the readers who disagree with me. My mind is open to you. Thanks to both fans and critics for reading my books.

This summer I started writing my second novel, working title “Esmeralda.” It’s now in the hands of subject matter experts and an editor. I expect to do a re-write in February 2025 after I’ve gathered their feedback. “Esmeralda” is a messy thriller set in the American West about four women whose lives entangle when they share a prison cell and knot themselves into a high risk friendship. It’s upbeat escapist entertainment about how to find a prison escapee who disappears into a book. 

To keep it real, I’ve joined a few discussion groups that meet on a regular basis face-to-face, actual humans sitting across from each other with the intention of sharing differing opinions. It has been an affirming experience to witness accountability in play as speakers consider the reaction they may receive as they express themselves. People care. They know they will be remembered. This is the exhilaration and the risk, and that’s what makes it worth doing. I highly recommend it. Convene a group around a subject area and plan for regular voicing of diverse opinions on a shared experience like a piece of writing or music or a work of art or a cuisine. The goal is not to agree, but to sample our differences and evolve our perspectives.

Talking, listening, writing and reading are linear experiences that depend upon an alphabet, a vocabulary, a voice, a thought, and a memory, all housed in a brain souped up by endorphins and influenced by gut bacteria. We are biological beings, meat socks stewing our feelings and exporting them through our emotions, importing them through our senses. So many things can go wrong. But when things go right, sharing is a high that connects us to ethereal realms. We expand. We grow. We love. And we feel gratitude for the experience.

Words do it for me. I would rather be wording than watching. I would rather be reading or having a conversation with a person across the table from me. Meat sock to meat sock communications, that’s my jam. I have so many questions. How are you feeling? How is your family? What are you reading? What do you think? The answers fuel the machinery of my mind. I compare notes with myself. I realize new ideas. And these ideas swim in my biology, mixing it up with my history to become my dreams, whisps of biochemistry that make new stories in my sleep. Then when I wake up, I am all of these things. Fresh as the sunrise, which happens dependably every day but still inspires even though it’s old.

I wish the same stimulation for you. We find ourselves mentally, and we become physically. It’s a process. The life process. Sometimes it’s horrid. But other times it’s a glorious adventure and there is nothing better. We learn from both ends of the spectrum and find our balance somewhere in between. So, stir your brain soup, spice it up with some new ingredients, experiment with new tastes, be curious and discover. Resolve to remix yourself, regenerate your interests and renew your best vibes. Make the sign of the star and bless yourself. You are amazing. Thanks for being there for me. Onward.