AUTHOR BIO
Billie Best has been writing since she learned the alphabet. Her novels and memoir explore what happens to brave, independent women when love is complicated by betrayal, when technology intrudes on intimacy, when identity shifts, and when reinvention becomes less a choice than a necessity. With a voice that combines wit, compassion, and emotional honesty, she invites readers to laugh at life’s absurdities and engage with stories that challenge easy assumptions.
Across her work, imperfect people make compelling stories. Her characters are women navigating grief, desire, aging, friendship, autonomy, and unexpected second chances. Rather than offering simple answers and tidy endings, she embraces contradiction, trusting readers to recognize themselves in the messy realities of being human.
Her memoir, How I Made a Huge Mess of My Life (or Couples Therapy with a Dead Man), dives deep into love, loss, betrayal, and resilience with remarkable candor. What begins as the story of honoring a dying husband’s final wishes becomes a darkly humorous exploration of complicated truths about marriage and midlife reinvention.
In Clitapalooza, Best turns a skeptical eye toward the intersection of intimacy and technology. Beneath the novel’s outrageous premise lies a thoughtful exploration of female autonomy, digital surveillance, and the increasingly blurred boundaries between our private and digital lives. Combining feminist satire, speculative imagination, and heartfelt comedy, the novel asks timely questions about bodily control, identity, and a woman’s right to an orgasm.
Best’s newest work, Ride the Light:How to Escape from Esmeralda Women’s Penitentiary, to be released October 2026, is a darkly funny speculative novel about reinvention, that imagines a near-future America where the Colorado River has stopped reaching Arizona, Pheonix has surrendered to desert, and AI runs a women’s prison where four inmates discover that freedom is far more complicated than incarceration.
Best writes for readers who enjoy smart, unconventional characters struggling with complicated relationships, newfound independence, and self-discovery—imperfect but resilient, thought-provoking and thoroughly entertaining. Her style is candid and relatable, appealing to readers navigating similar life transitions.
She lives in the Pacific Northwest.
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A sharp, darkly funny speculative novel about friendship, reinvention, and women who refuse to leave each other behind.
It’s 2047. The Colorado River no longer reaches Arizona. The suburbs of Phoenix have surrendered to the desert. And Esmeralda Women’s Penitentiary is run almost entirely by artificial intelligence. Now four inmates are about to discover that freedom is far more complicated than incarceration.
After seven years behind prison walls, forty-one-year-old Axandra Woolencroft walks out into a world that has changed without her. Waiting in the prison car park is Patricia—once Patrick—a brilliant hacker and tech entrepreneur with an audacious vision for the future and a red Porsche pointed to Wyoming.
Freedom should be a fresh start. Instead, Ax can’t stop thinking about her cellmates. They’ve been her best friends for years. There’s Nelsa, a ninety-year-old librarian imprisoned for stealing art books she believes are alive. Melchora, a former beauty queen convicted of killing her husband after the justice system failed her. And Heidi, a young wrestler with raw talent, counting down the years in a tiny white box.
Then Melchora disappears. Suspicion falls on everyone connected to her, forcing the women to choose between loyalty and survival. Ax must decide how far she is willing to go—and how much of her hard-won freedom she is willing to risk—for a friend.
Because getting out of prison is only the beginning. Freedom is the hard part.
Moving between Arizona, Las Vegas, Wyoming, Detroit, and Los Angeles, Ride the Light is character-driven speculative fiction that explores AI ethics, criminal justice, gender, art, aging, and the complicated business of starting over. Richly imagined yet startlingly plausible, its near-future America feels like a natural extension of our own.
For fans of Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel, Ride the Light blends the sly wit and magical realism of The Change by Kirsten Miller with the gritty hijinks of The Bandit Queens by Parini Shroff, and the social commentary of The Sentence by Louise Erdrich.
A darkly humorous memoir about the complexities of marriage and midlife reinvention
“How I Made a Huge Mess of My Life (or Couples Therapy with a Dead Man)” is a deeply personal and very relatable memoir by Billie Best. It explores the complexities of marriage, the challenges of caring for a terminally ill spouse, and the process of healing and growth after betrayal. Best’s writing style is raw, honest, and uplifting, combining humor with deep emotional insights.
As she turns fifty, Best develops a passion for farming that consumes her both emotionally and financially and ultimately breaks her marriage. The book candidly addresses the challenges she faces as she discovers her husband’s infidelity while he is dying of cancer and she is his caregiver. Early in his diagnosis, he decides he wants to be a role model for dying beautifully. They explore religious traditions and he plans his death like performance art, intending to die at home. He wants her to care for his body after he’s gone. He doesn’t want his body sent to a mortuary to be handled by strangers. She promises to fulfill his wishes. But he dies on a holiday weekend, and keeping his body at home is complicated. The dissonance between her commitment to his last wishes and the way he introduces her to his mistress unravels her.
Through her experiences on the farm and reflecting on her past, Best transforms her grief into motivation, highlighting her resilience. As a woman in midlife, her story offers inspiration for readers seeking authenticity and personal growth. She is a role model determined to reinvent herself and embrace her mistakes with a balance of humor, honesty, and emotional depth. A compelling read for those interested in themes of love, marriage, and midlife self-discovery.
REVIEWS
“Brave, boisterous, ballsy and just downright fun to read.”
Best’s story about finding love both sensually and architecturally—along with disaster in both realms—is brave, boisterous, ballsy and just downright fun to read. The voice is accessible but intelligent, candid but heartfelt. Get copies for your favorite friends because if they borrow it, they’ll never give it back! —Courtney Maum, Alan Opts Out
“A force of pure energy and determination“
A force of pure energy and determination, there is nothing Billie won’t tackle: the perfect marriage, the mid-life career change from successful executive to idealistic farmer, and even, when her husband falls terminally ill, orchestrator of a flawless death-plan according to his wishes. But it takes her ten years of denial and suffering to confront and then triumphantly overcome the cracks in this ideal picture, the specter of infidelity beyond the grave, her obsessive need for tidiness and order, and her attachment to ephemeral things. —Hester Velmans, Slipper
“Ms. Best ventures where few dare with such naked honesty.“
Billie Best knows her way around rock bands, corporate America, small scale farming, and the most complicated business of all: matters of the heart. With her powerful writing, sentences that can lasso, seduce, inspire, and bring tears to eyes, Ms. Best ventures where few dare with such naked honesty. —Maria Nation, The Beach House
Brave and honest storytelling for fans of these memoirs:
- “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed, a story of one woman’s incredible adventure
- “The Glass Castle” by Jeanette Walls, an exotic character-driven tale
- “Educated” by Tara Westover, a tense page turner
- “I’m Glad My Mom Died” by Jeanette McCurdy, heartbreaking and raw
A sex-positive thriller blends feminism, humor and adult romance
In her debut novel, “Clitapalooza,” Billie Best combines feminism, humor, and adult romance to challenge traditional narratives.
When Meryl, a retired math professor, decides she wants more adventure in her life, she abandons the prudence of her marriage for a fantasy relationship with a chatbot who sells her an AI toothbrush. However, this playful approach leads her into unexpected complications when the toothbrush begins to interact with her AI vibrator, creating a humorous yet chaotic situation. Too late she discovers the biotech firm that manufactures both devices has her in a digital trap. She has agreed to an invasion of her privacy that threatens her sex life.
With striking originality the novel blends emotional vulnerability with contemporary anxieties surrounding surveillance, wellness culture, and artificial intelligence. The biotech elements and AI companionship create a world that feels exaggerated yet unsettlingly plausible and grounded in real cultural concerns. For women in midlife, Meryl’s journey captures the tension between comfort, reinvention, and the desire to reclaim their agency.
The story moves between humor, sexual empowerment, social commentary, and technological unease. Through Meryl and the relationships surrounding her, Best weaves themes of validation, bodily autonomy, emotional connection, and the evolving nature of intimacy in a technologically mediated world. That emotional and sociological depth gives the story resonance far beyond its provocative surface.
This book aims to start conversations about women’s health and sexuality in a society still influenced by purity culture. Female pleasure, bodily autonomy, societal expectations, and generational differences in sexual education are framed through the lens of data, control, and corporate overreach.
A must read for fans of women’s fiction exploring aging, reinvention, and identity; speculative fiction focused on corporate surveillance and biotech ethics; and readers who enjoy boundary-pushing, conversation-driving literary fiction.
“A cheeky exploration of sex and feminism…” – Kirkus Reviews
From Kirkus Reviews:
All in all, Meryl has it pretty good: She’s a well-liked math professor at a university, she has a gaggle of friends, and her sex life with her husband, Bob, hasn’t yet cooled in their 40 years together. But at 60, she suddenly feels restless, fretting that she has settled for a stable life rather than an adventurous one. So, she makes a quick run of rash decisions, including abruptly retiring, tending butterflies, adopting a pig, and splurging on a $10,000 toothbrush from tech company NanoSmile, largely for its customizable AI companion, which she names Hamish. During a session of self-gratification, using both the toothbrush and her trusty vibrator, a piece of the toothbrush—a nanobot named Quanta—breaks off and enters Meryl’s bloodstream, setting up camp in her clitoris. Meryl investigates the incident with some of her former students and a close friend, Uma, uncovering a broader experiment by NanoSmile’s parent company, BioMantrix—an experiment Meryl may not be able to get herself out of. Through Meryl and her circle of female friends, Best explores multiple feminist and sociological themes that cross generational lines, such as female pleasure stigma, tech surveillance, and what defines true intimacy between two people. The presence of a mega-corporation masquerading as a stable of wellness companies that harvests personal data rather than truly addressing individual needs feels all too relevant, though the author tempers her dark subject with humor; upon discovering the robot in Meryl’s intimate anatomy, the morally bankrupt scientist Dr. Skimmerhorn debates whether to call the new device “iClitoris” or “ClitBit.” … Still, the message of the book, particularly for women who have never had affirming sexual education, is clear: “your body was made to orgasm…You have the right to an orgasm.”
A satirical feminist revenge fantasy for fans of these novels:
- “Where’d You Go, Bernadette” by Maria Semple, a brilliant woman runs away from herself
- “All Fours” by Miranda July, an irreverently sexy, surprising tale about a woman upending her life
- “Margo’s Got Money Troubles” by Rufi Thorpe, a new mother pays for diapers with her porn
“Hilarious! And beautifully written. She has conjured an ageless way to shine.”
Laugh! Love! Listen! Billie Best’s relatable point of view will have you doing all three as she shares the everyday truths of life beyond 60 in this collection of essays, sharp observations and short stories. Easy reading meant to be consumed in bite-sized chunks, these three-minute riffs offer a mini vacation for your mind with bursts of gut punching humor, heartfelt encouragement, and colorful characters. You’ll be validated, inspired, and amused. Each post includes a faux tarot card illustrated by Brenda Rose.
Praise from readers —
Once again, Billie Best has captured what it’s like to be a woman, and human! Each short story has a punch of reality, humor, and raw honesty. You’ll catch yourself nodding in agreement and understanding. Her writing is so intelligent and appealing, and makes you look at your own life and admit, I Could Be Wrong! — SF
Billie with her candid, witty, keen insight and hilarious writing style entertains and comforts with pizzaz! I LOVE this book. “I Could Be Wrong” is color, texture, and all heart. — SS
Hilarious! And beautifully written. By capturing her experience and allowing us to laugh, she has conjured an ageless way to shine. — HM
