Maybe you remember back in the day when lemon scent was added to all sorts of household products to make us feel as though they were more natural, not just a bottle full of killer chemicals. My favorite was the 1966 Lemon Pledge furniture polish commercial with the dreamy house babe in her blue cocktail dress and heels, dancing around her livingroom, spraying Pledge on her coffee table and wiping it off in long graceful sweeps. Today I watched that commercial on Youtube and thought, She must be stoned out of her mind.
Since advertising was born many products have been sold by imaginary characters like the house babe. Who can forget the Fruit of the Loom Guys dressed up like grapes to sell men’s underwear. Then there is Mr. Clean, or Maestro Limpio, as he’s called in Spanish. Mr. Clean is a bald white guy with an earring, wearing a spotless white T-shirt, claiming to be “the most powerful cleaning man in a bottle.” The irony of a powerful old white guy cleaning my kitchen could make my head explode.
They say the next craze in household products is going to be bacteria. So throw out your antibacterial soaps, your bleach and your disinfectants, your hand sanitizer, and any food made with preservatives or from animals fed antibiotics. Bacteria is the new big thing. After a lifetime of fighting ring around the collar, dirt is our friend. Amoebas in sexy grass skirts will soon be doing the hula on TV commercials, calmly wagging their hips to quell our fear of microbes and hypnotize us into buying new and improved products squirming with life, because happy skin needs happy bacteria.
Actually, a happy you needs happy bacteria. Trillions of bacteria call our bodies home, and we couldn’t live without them. They colonize our mouth, skin, eyes, gut, urethra, bladder, vagina, uterus, and lungs. They manage our immune system, and affect our moods, memory, complexion, body odor, digestion, and regularity. All together our body’s community of microbes is called our microbiome.
Our microbiome makes the connection between our environment and our experience. Allergies, autism, acne, cancer, heart disease, dementia, depression, gastro intestinal problems, and obesity are all linked to issues with our microbiome. When you feel great, that’s your microbes singing The Sound of Music and twirling in pink tutus. Likewise, if it makes you feel sick to look at a bottle of tequila, that’s your brain scrapbooking with your gut bacteria about the time they were attacked by a pitcher of margaritas.
I know it’s hard to wrap your head around after living in a world obsessed with killing microbes. But think of your microbiome as your pet bacteria. If you take good care of them, they’ll take good care of you.
Microbes in general are not the enemy; these microscopic forms of life are deeply involved in all the other beings and life systems that we can see. I read somewhere recently that they compose 90% of our bodies. (I don’t know whether that’s measured by weight , volume or something else, but in any case it’s astounding.)
So I was thinking the other day about the greeting, Namaste. In some interpretations it means “The divine in me recognizes the divine in you.” Maybe it’s time for a mystical greeting that means “The microbes in me recognize the microbes in you.” This comment is only half facetious.
I enjoy your posts!
Yes, Namaste, my microbiome salutes your microbiome. Thanks for reading.
Bil – you knock it out of the park every week!!!!! I always think the latest one is the greatest one, until I read the following week’s blog. Excellent track record here – so funny and on the money. YOu are the 21st Century Erma Bombeck!!!!! Adore your writing – can’t wait for more – a national column and a series of books?
xoxo
Wow! Thanks for the Erma Bombeck comparison. I used to read her all the time in our local paper when I was growing up. Always loved her sense of humor.
You wrote, “They colonize our mouth, skin, eyes, gut, urethra, bladder, vagina, uterus, and lungs.” Don’t forget the penis. You have a lot more male readers than you might think! We all love your writing and observations. Thank you!
Excellent work, as always!
Of course, yes, the penis! How could I forget. Thanks for reading.
Very funny and yet informative! Thanks again Billie!
XOXLaura
Cool! Nice to have your feedback.